Ishtar

La Betty perceived a scuffling sound just outside her condo front door. No one could have secretly ascended by the elevator unless its security bell was broken. Yet without taking the elevator, no one would have means to reach La Betty’s threshold. La Betty opened her front door judiciously, just enough for a slender sightline.

La Betty spied a small ornate gift box near the elevator. The box shone like ruby, its glassy colour deep and unsullied. La Betty assumed the dramatic symbol on the lid of the box was a classy trademark. The symbol was embossed on a gold disk attached to the crimson lid. The symbol was an eight-point star, the bases of each point joined to a ruby red central circle. The eight-point star itself was late sunset blue.

La Betty’s entire consciousness was fixated on the dazzling box. To La Betty a gleaming tidy box could only mean there was a brilliant object inside. Her antique green silk Fortuny dressing gown fluttered as she sashayed toward the enticing object on the polished ebony floor. When she lifted the box it released a hazy aroma, an intermingling of grass, licorice and dry martini with a twist of lemon. La Betty took a deep breath and tiptoed back to the east loggia of her condo. She lowered herself onto the juniper green seat of her Otto Wagner armchair. Sitting there always imbued La Betty with the self-assurance only money can buy.

La Betty was very pleased to lift the lid of the box. It was surprisingly hefty. Inside, a perfect dome of white kaolinite clay was nestled in a wrapper of citrus green chiffon. La Betty grabbed the swaddled clay dome and peeled away the organza. The white clay was surprisingly warm, surprisingly soft. La Betty was compelled to take it in her right hand and squeeze forcefully. La Betty laid this altered clod on the cool travertine surface of the nearby Osvaldo Borsani table. The substance seemed to solidify. She then noticed there was a tiny scroll in the box. It must have been under the organza at the bottom. La Betty pinched the scroll between thumb and forefinger and then glanced back toward the squeezed kaolinite. It had stiffened vaguely in the form of a seated figure, a monkey in pleated pantaloons wearing a pointed hat with eight spikes. A barbed choker was quite prominent around the neck and from it hung an eight-point star. This simian idol sported impressive falcon wings. All these features looked like they had been eroded in a sandstorm.

La Betty loosened the scroll’s slender ochre binding. When La Betty dropped the binding on the Osvaldo Borsani travertine the filament immediately coiled like a garden horsehair worm. Distracted by the bold, unusual, indeed medieval rubric at the top of the scroll La Betty assumed she was about to read a slogan tailored to elite consumers. Accordingly she recited the slogan for LuxorEye lapis lazuli-dusted mascara. “Eye it - try it - buy it!”

The scroll was read aloud, but not by La Betty. She glanced quickly at the monkey idol but its lips weren’t moving. The only other mouth in the room was that of the garden horsehair worm. La Betty knew instantly she was being tested once again. A perverse interruption was taking place, once again, by phantasms antagonistic toward La Betty’s devotion to shopping. The garden horsehair worm with a voice like Leonard Cohen was reading aloud, “History is our Mother. Honour her in all your days.” La Betty went on the attack.

“You are more. Take away the risk and you can do anything!” had been the slogan for LuxorEye nonsmear midnightsheen mascara. La Betty conflated the risk of smeared mascara with the risk of granting credibility to these pushy phantasms trying to change her life. She was aghast at the impudence of these pious messengers with no understanding of the twenty-first century. The garden horsehair worm continued, “Such a man was Herodotus who honoured our Mother in all his days.”

The clay Ishtar monkey straightened his eight-point star pendant and quoted Herodotus,

He is the best man who, when making his plans, fears and reflects on everything that can happen to him, but in the moment of action is bold.

La Betty swooped up the monkey and used it to hammer the garden horsetail worm. “A Taste of the Truth!” La Betty proclaimed this slogan for White Luxe Glamourous White Whitening Fresh Mint Flavour Mouthwash.